4 GIFTS THAT MOM GAVE US

      This blog is for anyone who has lost a beloved mother. 

     How do you say goodbye to the person who has loved you unconditionally since the moment you were born?

      I think the first thing we do is realize that it isn’t really goodbye. It’s farewell until we are all together again in the house of the Lord. My mother passed away a few days ago and I want to celebrate the gifts that she gave us.

1. FAMILY VALUES

Mom gave us the gift of strong family values. She anchored our family with loving structure and home-cooked meals. We sat down at the table together every night for dinner. We each had our own place at the table and that security eventually helped us find our own places in the world.

1968: Mom in the background with the 4 of us kids. I am in the sailor hat.

      Every Sunday morning before church we woke up to the sound of Irish music playing and the smell of bacon cooking. My husband, Rob, and I raised our 3 children in church and we ate dinners together as a family, even as it was rapidly going out of style. I believe that those two practices: joining a church and sharing meals together are the backbone of family life.

       In my long career as a teacher, I often urged my families to break bread together, to give their kids a chance to process their day and to problem solve.

      Cell phones need to go in a bin. Life's challenges need to be addressed from a Christian perspective. There also needs to be time for laughter and celebrating each family member's uniqueness. I am grateful for that background. 

      If this doesn't sound like your family, it is NEVER too late to start. 

2. LOVE

 Mom gave us the gift of love. I remember one time when I was little sitting on the floor with friends watching TV. (Back then it was 3 channels and rabbit ears!) Mom swooped into the room and announced, “I’m collecting kisses!” She went around the room hugging and kissing everyone. Our home was a neighborhood hangout where everyone was welcome. 

            Love makes a heart sensitive. I will never forget my younger sister, Maureen’s christening party. I was five years old and I watched with childish envy as my baby sister’s pile of gifts grew taller and taller. In my young mind’s eye, the stack of presents reached all the way to the ceiling. Then, after everyone left Mom turned to me and smiled. “Honey, you pick out whatever you want and it’s yours.” I still remember that white stuffed lamb.

       Such a seemingly small act of kindness in an adult's eyes is usually a big deal for a child.

3. FAITH

Thinking of that little stuffed lamb I can’t help but draw a parallel to our Lord giving us His son, His perfect white lamb. Mom’s greatest gift to us—her gift of faith. We saw her pray daily, and she taught us to be grateful for what the Lord had given us. A number of years ago Mom took Maureen and me to a holy site. Seeing people come together from all over the world to pray had a huge impact on me. I felt the power of the holy spirit. That connection would become my anchor in later years when my family and I experienced great challenges.

          Whenever we faced difficulties Mom was fond of saying, “Offer it up.” This became a family catchphrase over the years, and Mom would laugh when we would imitate her saying it. Mom could always laugh at herself. We all inherited Mom’s gift of humor.

4. HUMOR

 

    Humor was such a huge part of our family life.

One of our favorite stories is the time when our family was young and we had just moved to a new area. Mom’s car broke down and she became quite flustered. She called Dad and described everything in detail including what she was wearing. Dad, in his usual deadpan manner, replied, “Well, Honey, why don’t you stand on the roof of the car and wave so I know it’s you.” As the years went by Mom loved poking fun at herself by telling that story.

         By showing us children that she could laugh at herself Mom taught us not to take ourselves too seriously.

One of our favorite family tales is the one about the bald cake. Mom’s dear friend, Shirley, baked a cake for her birthday and brought it over to our house a day early. Big mistake. Well, our inquisitive little selves couldn’t help but peek under the cake dish. There it was, the creamiest most exquisite strawberry icing known to man. Surely, one little finger swipe wouldn’t be noticed?  Mmmm was it good! Well, you can imagine the damage done by four little sets of fingers over the course of 24 sneaky hours. We even lifted off the top layer and scraped the icing in between before nonchalantly putting it back.

 When Mom lifted the lid the next day she gasped in horror. All that remained of the icing was a few pinkish finger tread marks. It wasn’t long before Mom’s initial anger gave way to humor, and she ended up telling the story to all of her friends.

My favorite memories are bringing my children up from Florida to visit Mom and Dad and to see snow. One time when my Chris was about six my Florida boy wanted to make some ice. So we poured water into a Dixie cup and set it out on the porch. Well, the weather didn’t cooperate. It didn’t go below freezing. So Mom and I decided to help mother-nature along a little. When Chris was in bed we poured out the water and put an ice cube in the cup. When Chris saw the ice cube the next morning he exclaimed, “So that’s where they come from.”

During the past months as Mom declined, she asked us to tell her all of the stories that we never dared to share when we were young. So we told her about playing in the drainage pipes below a major highway, climbing on rooves at construction sites, and jumping off of our neighbor's roof into their sandbox. Mom laughed with love in her eyes.

I realize that I grew up more privileged than most. We had a Mom and a Dad that loved us, and a comfortable middle-class lifestyle. Perhaps you are a struggling single parent or a victim of abuse. Maybe you have no foundation to build upon.

         Remember, with God nothing is impossible. I have seen it with my own eyes.

 You can be like my mom and leave a legacy of love, laughter, and faith.

Proverbs 22:6 says it best:

  Train up a child in the way he should go,
^[And when he is old he will not depart from it.

        Mom, we know where we came from, and thanks to your example, we know where we are going.

        Thank you for being our mom.

        Do you have a story about your mom? Please share it!