3 WAYS TO LET GO AND LET GOD

We were sweating and grunting, hauling out stacks of debris from my sister's garage: Moldy boxes of outdated books, floor mats from cars sold long ago, ancient toys from grown children, dusty binders stuffed with paper— a professional development agenda from 1993, coursework from 1981, and receipts from companies that no longer exist. To get to them we had to trip over piles of sports equipment that hadn't seen the light of day in years.

And it wasn't even her stuff. It belonged to her spouse, an aspiring hoarder. "I'm ready to kill him," she sighed, "He never throws anything away." Ah, it was the stuff divorces are made of.

• The First Way to Let Go: Get rid of things that hold you hostage.

Let's face it, some things are sentimental, but if you find yourself with an unnatural attraction to objects that are 50% mold, there may be a problem. Or if you can't see the floor, and your philosophy is 'more is better' it could be an addictive personality kicking in.

It may be time to ask for help—preferably, from someone with zero emotional attachment to your stuff. That was my role for my sister. Funny, how easy it is to see other people's junk.

Sounds, a bit like sponsorship doesn't it? 

And when we were done, even Harry the Hoarder(name changed) admitted that he felt better.

I can't help but think of the parable of the rich man who wasn't willing to get rid of his stuff in order to follow Jesus.

• The Second Way to Let Go: Accept circumstances as they are today.

This is harder than dumping physical items. When people tell me that everything happens for a reason I will admit that I sometimes have the urge to slap them. Perhaps the boss isn't getting nicer, the bills aren't going away, ungrateful kids suddenly didn't start sending flowers, and crazy Cousin Batty is still, well—batty. 

But a funny thing happens when acceptance kicks in. We stop fighting and we begin to see new possibilities. When I couldn't change my husband's depression I discovered new places to kayak. I went out on the water and prayed for him. He is slowly getting better and I have really nice biceps for a grandmother.

Me, kayaking the mangrove tunnels near my home in Sarasota, Florida.

When my daughter battled her addiction, we wound up raising a beautiful grandchild for 4 years. I had unlimited access to mentor her and shower her with love. I chose to focus on what I could control. 

Philippians 4:12-13

12 I know what it is to be in need, and I know what it is to have plenty. I have learned the secret of being content in any and every situation, whether well fed or hungry, whether living in plenty or in want. 

13 I can do all this through him who gives me strength.

Sometimes we don't see the value of difficult circumstances until years later. That unreasonable teacher that I had in second grade, the one who always put me in the corner without a chance to explain, made me a more empathetic teacher. She taught me that children deserve to have a voice.

She also taught me that it's not nice to dump someone's brand-new crayons into the yucky school box full of peeled, broken, and chewed up Crayola stumps.

• The Third Way to Let Go: Relationships—Contribute, don't control.

You may have noticed that the points in this blog are presented in increasing levels of difficulty. If you were tempted to throw out your significant other along with the used sports equipment in the first paragraph you are not alone!

When a relationship becomes toxic we are the ones who must make a change. When I first became sober my husband wasn't. It became necessary for me to take time out from the relationship. At first, he expected everything to stay the same. It was the beginning of many cold showers for him.

Our Alanon friends have much to teach us about detaching with love and setting appropriate boundaries. The love part is the key. Otherwise, we feed our destructive emotions.

I had to get out of the way and let God deal with him. He became sober in his time, not mine.

The hardest relationships I've had to let go of are the ones I've lost through death, specifically my two sons who died at 14, and 21 respectively.

 The good news is that I can apply these principles to my grief. I can't control the fact that our boys are no longer with us, but I have trained myself to reflect on all of the exciting things we will be doing in eternity.

Most importantly, I share this faith with others. I try to contribute to their faith and hope.

Another way to look at it is letting go of people, places( physical, emotional, or spiritual) and things.

How about you? What are you struggling to let go of?

TRUST YOUR MIRRORS: Reflections of God in Recovery

The rent-a-truck dude handed me the keys to a rather large truck, and my sister hopped in beside me.  I instinctively reached to adjust my rear-view mirror, and oops—there wasn't one. Moving vans don't have rear-view mirrors, because they would be totally useless anyway.

Maybe there is a lesson in there somewhere. I know I have spent way too much time looking back on my life, beating myself up for things that are over and done with. Hmmm, maybe that's why they call them moving vans. You have to move forward.

We were moving furniture for our elderly mother, who is downsizing. Along with the truck I had three nephews with young backs. But I wasn't used to driving a truck with no rear-view mirror.

What the truck did have were really useful side-view mirrors. Each mirror has two images, one tracks more distant objects, and the other affords a closer view at a slightly different angle. The idea is to use both images to navigate safely.

But, when I had to glance behind me to change lanes, I wasn't looking directly at the traffic. I was only looking at a reflection of the traffic. I had to trust these mirrors.

God works a lot like that. We don't get to look directly at Him. We have to look for things that reflect His glory.

The Bible is His best reflection. The inspired words are a how-to manual on life. Everything from how to raise your kids, manage your money, and forgive others is covered. 

The problem is I want to stick my head out the window and see for myself. But if I do that I don't have my eyes on the road, and I might crash.

Jeremiah 17:7 

7 “But blessed is the one who trusts in the Lord,
    whose confidence is in him."

The rooms of recovery are another great reflection of God's glory. When I'm feeling utterly devastated and alone, someone else magically expresses my deepest thoughts. Then, they get me to laugh at myself, as only someone in a similar situation can do. 

Bouncing ideas off of fellow believers is another way to have God's guidance reflect back to me. That is like glancing in the smaller mirror that reflects the tighter, more intimate angle.

This is especially true when I have to back up. My sister, Maureen, had to get out of the truck and signal to me so I didn't ram Mom's garage door. At times we all get to those places where we have to reverse directions. We need a friend or a Bible passage to get us outside of ourselves and provide a new perspective.

Then there are those people or unexpected events that cut us off. I was merging onto a highway and an impatient woman decided she just had to cut in front of me because she might have to reach the adjacent shopping center 5 seconds later than she had hoped. 

Since I literally had nowhere to go, those mirrors became my lifeline. The brakes and the horn were extremely useful as well.

We arrived safely at our destination. Prior to our trip, we had taken a searching and fearless inventory of Mom's furniture so we knew what we were keeping and what we were getting rid of. We had 12 stepped mom's house.

I wouldn't have gotten very far without my mirrors.

James 1: 23-24:  "Anyone who listens to the word but does not do what it says is like someone who looks at his face in a mirror 24 and, after looking at himself, goes away and immediately forgets what he looks like."

How is God reflected in your mirrors? Comment below, and I will share them in a future blog. 

From the comments, I will randomly select one winner to receive a free copy of one of my books!