Wait, did you see that squirrel?!
Opps, sorry.
My first issue is this cone thingy they are making me wear. I just don't understand it. A strange human in a white coat put it on me the same day I went to sleep and got stitches. My humans say I had a tumor removed, but I really don't see the connection to this pesky cone. It's completely unfair, and I feel like I'm being punished.
It's hard to see. It's hot. I bang into things. Maybe they really don't love me. Maybe if I wag my tail harder they will take it off. Maybe if I stop chasing squirrels they will take it off. If only my human masters would listen and take it off I promise to be the most amazing dog the world has ever seen and never ever ever throw up on the rug again.
Another thing I want to discuss today is leashes. I don't know why they have to exist. I should be in complete control of my outdoor destiny.
Woah, check out that bunny rabbit! Oops sorry about that. Where was I?
If our masters love us like they say why do we have to live in a world with so many leashes?
I mean, yeah there was that time the leash kept me from bumping into that speeding car but I could have handled it. And that time the leash kept me from showing that Doberman a thing or two. Come on, I got this already. If only I were in charge. Whimper.
I remember once my humans took me to the mountains and let me run wild and free. I was able to get in touch with my inner wolf.
Why can't every day be like that? When I retire I'm going be a wolf.
And mealtimes?! Don't even get me started. I get hard pellets unceremoniously dumped into a bowl while they dine on steak and ice cream. Where's the justice?
And one last thing—humans need to know that stuff smells good! My master tugs at me while I just want to chill and smell the flowers. Ahh, the delicate aroma of jasmine, the warm, earthy scent of roadkill, the tingling sensation in my nostrils when I sniff FiFi's pee pee.
Okay, I admit I sniff a lot. Sometimes I sniff in the morning, but I can stop any time I want to. I don't think I have a problem. I just need a few lines of pollen to make it through my walk.
I mean I messed up a few times and did a few things that I regret:
But my humans always try to keep me on their path. I just want to relax a little after a long dog day afternoon. I deserve it.
And humans are weird. They get on their knees and talk to an invisible being.I guess that bend the knee thing is to compensate for their shortage of legs. But the funny thing is all they do is whine and complain. Go figure.
