I chose my first sponsor because she was a snappy dresser. She wore stylish clothes and accessorized well. I envisioned us ensconced in a cozy corner at Starbucks having deep and meaningful conversations, followed immediately by shopping.
After she stopped returning my calls, and a friend informed me that she had relapsed, I determined that my criteria for selecting sponsors was, perhaps, a bit faulty.
AA literature defines a sponsor as "An alcoholic who has made some progress in the recovery program shares that experience on a continuous, individual basis with another alcoholic who is attempting to attain sobriety through AA."
The model is the same for other recovery programs such as Al-Anon, NA, CA, and countless others.
But, did you know that the concept of sponsorship is as old as the bible?
In Titus 2 Paul instructs us to teach one another..."what is appropriate to sound doctrine. Teach the older men to be temperate, worthy of respect, self-controlled, and sound in faith, ...teach the older women... not to be slanderers or addicted to too much wine, but to teach what is good. Then they can urge the younger women to love...Similarly, encourage the young men to be self-controlled..."
In the biblical days it was the older folks of the same gender teaching the younger ones. In our case, it is those who are older in their recovery teaching those who are younger in sobriety.
This structure of one on one mentorship is all over the bible: Paul and Timothy; Moses and Joshua, Eli and Samuel, Naomi and Ruth, just to name a few.
Ephesians 4:2-3 gives a beautiful description of the sponsor-sponsee relationship. "With all humility and gentleness, with patience, bearing one another in love, eager to maintain the unity of the Spirit in the bond of peace."
My own personal definition of a sponsor is "someone who introduces and assists in the maintenance of a sober lifestyle through the 12 steps." Along the way we become bonded in spirit.
The book Alcoholics Anonymous , Alcoholics Anonymous World Services, Inc. states that "We are people who normally would not mix. But there exists among us a fellowship,a friendliness, and an understanding which is indescribably wonderful...The feeling of having shared in a common peril is one element in the powerful cement which binds us..."
I have seen men with advanced degrees being schooled by construction workers. The latter knew how to live a sober lifestyle, and the former wanted what they had. All pretense of income status and lifestyle dissolves when we are fighting for our lives.
It warms my heart when I see big, burly, 'Al' in his grimy work boots, embrace 'Joe' in his Brooks Brothers suit. After all, Jesus chose a bunch of blue collar guys to spread the most important message in history. And he did this intentionally.
1 Samuel 16:7:"But the Lord said to Samuel, "Do not look on his appearance or on the height of his stature, because I have rejected him. For the Lord sees not as man sees: man looks on the outward appearance, but the Lord looks on the heart."
As our sponsor guides us through the recovery process we get a new set of spiritual eyes. Sharing our deepest fears, letting go of our resentments, and learning to forgive enables us to see each other through the eyes of Jesus. We become each others' good Samaritans.
Being a sponsor is equally important. As we share our spiritual toolkit with a newcomer our own tools are sharpened and we continue to learn more about ourselves. We feel that peace that surpasses all understanding.
I like to think that the spirit of love and tolerance which pervades a successful recovery relationship is similar to how we will all relate to each other when we get to heaven. That is one reason I am a grateful, recovering alcoholic.
What has your sponsorship experience been like? Please leave a comment below.
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