My Winning 3 R’s of
Sobriety
We unplugged our 21 year old son. He would never wake up, do
his silly impersonations, or discuss eternity with me again. Yet, I had no
desire to drink.
I had endured the death of his older brother years before,
the loss of a family business, and addiction struggles with other family
members. Through most of it I had no
desire to drink.
“How do you do it?” People ask. I could say, “I let God do
it for me.” Or, “I work the steps.” And while those responses are essentially
true, they do get me thinking. Exactly how would I break down my success(at least
for today) at staying sober through adversity?
Here are my 3 R’s of Sobriety:
1. Reaching
Out: This is when we open up and tell on ourselves. “Yes, I want to kill my
boss.” Or “I’m scared about these changes.” This is when we go to coffee for
the meeting after the meeting, especially when we don’t feel like it. This is
when we make those phone calls we have been putting off, ask someone to sponsor
us, or reach out to the newcomer even if we are tired or our dog is at
home waiting for us. There is a wonderful by-product of this first “R”. It is
new and wonderful relationships.
Reaching out works both ways. Sometimes we
are the "reacher", and other times we are the "reachee". It doesn’t matter how much
time we have. We have to spend time playing both roles.
I recently spent two months away from my home group. I was in an unfamiliar town, dealing with a stressful family situation. After I shared a little about myself and my grief, a member of the group opened up for the first time about his daughter that he had lost the year before. There is the magic—in helping myself I had helped someone else.
2. Routine:
We must establish and maintain our sobriety routine. This is where the phrase
“Meeting makers make it” comes from. This is also why we hear, “He relapsed
because he quit going to meetings.” When we were caught up in our addictions we
had routines and rituals. The same happens when we get ‘caught up’ in our
sobriety.
Our routines form the backbone of our
commitment. It isn’t just going to meetings. My routines also include saying
the seventh step prayer and the third step prayer every day. It includes talking to my
sponsor and my circle of sober friends on a regular basis. Fulfilling service
commitments is probably the single most fulfilling routine that there is.
I am probably not going to drink or use if I know that Tuesday morning at 8 AM there is a room full of newly sober folks at a rehab waiting for me to bring them a meeting.
3. Relying
on God: This anchors my 3 R’s. I never forget that the goal of my program
is to find a power greater than myself that can relieve me of my alcoholism.
But finding Him isn’t enough. I have
to find ways to connect with that power and to use it. What good is an
electrical outlet if nothing is plugged in?
This is accomplished through surrender and
faith. Those are two concepts that have been very challenging for me. The steps give me guidelines for doing this, but ultimately, I must find my own individual relationship with God.
I have built time with the Lord into my routine, and I hear his voice when others are reaching out.
Another way I have learned to rely on God is by attaching myself to people who are better at it than I am and imitating what
they do. If I have my other two R's firmly in place, then this isn't hard to do.
Do I have spiritual dry spells? Of course! When I'm not feeling a God consciousness I still stick to my routines. Or I may reach out and tell someone I am struggling. Sometimes my 3R triangle of sobriety becomes lopsided when I lean a bit to one side, but it eventually evens out.
Trust in the Lord with all your heart
and lean not on your own understanding;
6 in all your ways submit to him,
and he will make your paths straight.
and lean not on your own understanding;
6 in all your ways submit to him,
and he will make your paths straight.
Proverbs 3:5-6
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