That's what the new movie, Midnight Sun, does for me. It gently allows me to acknowledge my grief, and also to remember a few universal truths.
Midnight Sun, starring Bella Thorne as Katie and Patrick Swarzenegger as Charlie, is a fictional tale about a very real disease. In the story Katie is a high school senior living with XP(xeroderma pigmentosum) a genetic disorder that makes exposure to sunlight life threatening. Most patients do not live past the age of 20.
Katie must spend her days indoors, only venturing out at night. She grows up behind windows shielded by ultraviolet resistant film, watching the world go by.
Her life is made bearable by a tender, humorous, and creative dad, Jack, played by Rob Riggle. He is a widower who home schools Katie and encourages her in her music.
One evening Katie meets a young man that she had always admired through the window. But their unexpected encounter leaves her flustered, and she dashes off like Cinderella. Instead of a slipper she leaves behind a notebook which enables Charlie to track her down.
The ensuing romance is predictable, yet moving. All of their dates are at night, and Katie struggles with telling him the truth. "I want to be a person not a disease." She says.
My first universal truth: Kids need time to just be kids.
During my son's four year battle with leukemia I remember him expressing the same sentiment. When Chris was in remission I was given strict orders not to tell anyone on his soccer team that he had cancer. Like Kate, being a normal kid was all that he wanted.
In the movie, when Kate first realizes that she is dying, she withdraws from Charlie. But her father wisely realizes their need to be together, and invites him over. They eat popcorn, watch movies, and laugh.
When Chris came home from the hospital for the last time he said, "I want to lay on the sofa in the family room. Have everyone sit around me and just have normal conversations."
The quest for normalcy in films such as Midnight Sun gives us a valuable reminder of what really matters in life. Even as more tears escape from my grief balloon I remain grateful for the quality of the time that I had with Chris, and with his brother,Jarrod, who also died very young.
If you know someone who is seriously ill the greatest gift that you can give them is a few hours, or even a few moments, of being normal. If that person is a child—just play with them!
My second universal truth: When you spend time with the dying, something transformational happens. You think that you are creating a special moment for them, but it becomes a gift that you give yourself.
When my dear friend, Lisa, watched her best friend succumbing to cancer she took her to swim with the dolphins. It became a defining moment in Lisa's life. It was the birth of The Infinite Wishes Foundation, which grants wishes to seriously ill adults. Click here for more info.
I think my defining moment came when I took my Florida boy to the mountains to play in the snow. It was his last time in remission.We were sledding as the sun was setting, turning the snow into colorful crystals. Chris paused at the peak of the slope and said to me, "I'm glad you're my mom."
My third universal truth: Love has risks, but it's worth it.
Like my love for my boys, the love between Charlie and Katie seems timeless. They remain forever young in our memories. Their pure, untainted love makes me me grateful that I have the unconditional love of a good man. He tells me that I am just as beautiful now as I was at 19 when he met me. Yeah, I know, love is blind, but he actually means it! That thought squeezes out a few more tears.
As the movie ends we know that Charlie is forever changed for the better because of his love for Katie.
There is also a hint of eternity in the film. Katie tells Charlie that he can look up at the stars and talk to him. Chris told me that too. A few more tears trickle out.
My fourth universal truth: At some point everyone thinks about the hereafter.
Midnight Sun doesn't mention God. Those of us who are believers can fill in the blanks. But what about those of you who aren't sure? Did the loss of your loved one make you doubt? It is understandable if it did. I would love to hear from you.
But here I am, a mom who has lived through a Midnight Sun twice, and I still believe.
I believe that there is a longing for eternity in each of our hearts, and I don't mean religion. I mean relationship. We long for a relationship with the Lord, and we see glimpses of His perfection when the Kates and the Chrises share their beauty.
The bible promises us that Jesus settled the score for our sins, and in His time, He will make it right on earth too. We will get our kids back.
To read a thought provoking commentary by Billy Graham click here.
In the end of the movie Kate finally has her moment in the sun. She and Charlie share a sailboat ride into the sunset. Katie gets her wish to feel the sunlight on her face.
That's what bittersweet tales like Midnight Sun do for us. We cry, but we get to feel the sun on our face.
Tell me what you think. What is your truth?
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