Taking My Grief Outdoors

Some days my grief is like a wet blanket smothering me. Especially since I suffer from out-of-order grief.  I have buried two young sons. There are no words in the English language for that specific kind of grief. The closest I've heard is 'bereaved mom'. Perhaps instead of widow, I could call myself a 'kidow'. But even that sounds like too gentle a term for the gut-wrenching loss of children. No weddings, graduations unattended, grandchildren not held—these are some of the losses that I struggle with.

So I take my grief outside. I wander in the woods. I find beautiful things to look at. Last year my husband and I sold everything we owned and moved into an RV. We did this so that we could be closer to the healing power of nature. When I gaze at natural creations I am reassured that there is indeed a God above. God promised us that we could find him there.

 

Our RV--"Harvey"

Romans 1:20 NIV: "For since the creation of the world God's invisible qualities--his eternal power and divine nature--have been clearly seen, being understood from what has been made, so that people are without excuse."

When I'm outside my brain automatically returns to the sensations of my childhood. The curiosity of what lies behind the next bend in the path, the burst of color from a cardinal hopping on a branch, the iridescent blue on a butterfly—these all return me to a place in time and space when the world was filled with wonder and promise. The same can be said of seasonal walks through the fall leaves or the pristine snow. It all makes me ponder the beauty that my boys must be witnessing in heaven.

Many books have been written about heaven. What they all have in common is the promise that it is even more beautiful than we can imagine. It is not the boring, stereotypical image of clouds and angels with harps.

 In Revelation 21 verses 18-21 The apostle John describes the new Jerusalem"...The foundations of the city walls were decorated with every kind of precious stone. The first foundation was jasper, the second sapphire, the third agate, and the fourth emerald, the fifth onyx, the sixth ruby, the seventh chrysolite, the eight beryl, the ninth topaz, the tenth turquoise, the eleventh jacinth, and the twelve amethyst..."It goes on to describe the famous pearly gates and the streets of gold.

When my 14 year old Chris was on his deathbed he already knew this. He said, "Mom, when I get to heaven there's going to be more flavors of soda than they have here on earth. There'll be flavors we haven't even invented." The Lord had allowed Chris a sneak preview that he could share with us.

After Chris passed I devoured books on the subject of death. Authors such as Elizabeth Kübler-Ross and Raymond Moody all described the beauty of the heavenly encounters of the dying. I was both surprised and comforted by the accounts that mirrored my son's deathbed experience. God has in store for us more color and flavor than we can possibly imagine here on earth. When I gaze upon the beauty of nature I feel as if I get a small nibble of what glory is in store for me, and I am comforted by the knowledge that my boys are already experiencing that.

But nature isn't just beautiful. It is purposeful. It is divinely created.

 Jeremiah 31:35: "Thus says the Lord, Who gives the sun for light by day And the fixed order of the moon and the stars for light by night, Who stirs up the sea so that its wave roar; The Lord of hosts is His name."

It is no accident that our sun is the correct size and our earth is the perfect distance with the exact tilt of the axis and the precise mixture of gases to sustain life; just as all of the beauty we see in our outdoor ramblings is no mistake. From the six sides of a  snowflake to the intricate mathematical patterns in seeds and seashells the nature we gaze upon is intentional and ordered. See Fibonacci numbers: For examples click here.

My husband, Rob, and dog Marley, enjoying a North Carolina waterfall

Let's not forget the fluffy side of nature. When our Chris was on his deathbed he also knew that there would be animals in heaven. "Mom, remember how Moonshine(our black lab) always used to drop the Frisbee. Well, in heaven he'll catch it every time!" I can't help but smile when I think of my loved ones playing with our deceased pets. The bible even promises that natural enemies in the animal kingdom will get along.

(Isaiah 35:1) "The wolf and the lamb shall feed together, the lion shall eat straw like the ox…"

Recently, Rob and I encountered a large black  bear crossing the road as we traveled along The Blue Ridge Parkway. We were grateful to be inside a vehicle! Imagine having such fearsome creatures as playmates when we get to heaven. There the violence in nature will be erased, and only the grace will remain.

Some of us who are grieving find relief in prayer and meditation. Try taking it outdoors. See what happens. Sunlight is a well documented mood enhancer. If you are like me, you may incorporate your prayer and meditation into exercise. As I jog around my favorite lake the beautiful scenery and the endorphins almost always elevate my mood. It makes it easier for me to remember the temporary nature of this existence.  Acknowledging this gives me hope. 

One of the lakes at our campground where I jog and talk to my boys.

Those of us who grieve will continue to have bad days. Our second son, Jarrod, died in an accident so we didn't get to say goodbye like we did with Chris. But we know that Jarrod is experiencing the same beauty and peace as his brother. Please be assured of that for your lost loved ones. We still cry and we should. We are human and we live in a fallen world. But when we take our tears outside they fall into the perfect cycles of nature, reminding us of the glory ahead.

Psalm 19:1: "The heavens declare the glory of God, and the sky above proclaims his handiwork."

Recovery, Humor, and God

I belong to an anonymous fellowship of people trying to help each other get better. We do this several ways. We have meetings, we have a set of spiritual steps and principals, and we spend time together. For me, one of greatest attractions of the program is the fact that we can laugh at ourselves. For this blog post I have included some of my cartoons.

One of the ways that we poke fun at ourselves is with cool nicknames like "Wild Bill", "Thank God Johnny", and "Midnight Mary". Our meeting home groups often have whimsical names as well. Here are some listed in 'The 12 Step Gazette' a recovery magazine based out of Philadelphia: "Hair of the Dog", "Sobriety Bowl","Nope To Dope", and "Mixed Nuts." Our humor is a delightful way to describe our insanity. This is vital because we can't address our problem without acknowledging it first.

For many of us admitting that we had a problem was the hardest step in getting sober, thus the popular refrain, "Denial is not a river in Egypt." We have lots of funny denial stories.

Here's an anecdote from a member of our fellowship. " After they pumped my stomach they put me on the short bus to the mental hospital. They took away my shoelaces and put me in a locked ward. The psychiatrist there told me I should go to AA. I looked at him like he was crazy. What!? Are you kidding me? I'm not that bad!"

And here's one of my personal favorites: "I'm not homeless—I'm camping!"

Outsiders may think we are making light of our transgressions, but the opposite is true. Our stories remind us that we really used to think that way, and now we don't anymore!

Another aspect of recovery that generates laughter between the tears is relationships, or as some of us like to say "Relationslips." As we work the program it slowly dawns on us that it really wasn't all his(her) fault after all. ( I believe Jimmy Buffet sang about that!) While in active addiction we were just too immature and self-centered to bring anything to the table.

While it isn't written anywhere in the literature, many recovering alcoholics and addicts advise against getting into a serious relationship during the first year. We learn to work on our relationship with ourselves and our higher power.

Humor helps many of us who have been deeply depressed, even suicidal. The rooms of recovery afford us a safe place to share openly. One fellow told this tale of his well-planned demise. "I was too chicken to shoot myself so I decided to go to the beach and just keep swimming towards Mexico. It was a beautiful evening and as the sun was sinking low on the horizon I was thinking about how it was the last time I'd see it...and I got in the water and started swimming. I swam and swam...And as I was swimming I learned something very important about myself..." We were all on the edge of our seats waiting to hear about his divine revelation. "I learned," he finished, "that I was a good swimmer!"

Some fun quotes:
“You know you’re an alcoholic when you misplace things … like a decade.”  — Paul Williams
“The worst gift I was given is when I got out of rehab that Christmas; a bottle of wine. It was delicious.” ― Craig Ferguson

While the shared humor bonds us, there are still some things we don't joke about. We don't make light of our need to make amends for how we have hurt others. We don't share amusing anecdotes outside of the rooms if they would upset our loved ones, and we take seriously the harms  that we have caused them. Our humor is always at our own expense.

The most important thing we don't joke about is our need for a higher power. Twelve step programs do not require a belief in God. Atheists and agnostics are welcome, and if they follow our step by step directions they can be every bit as successful as religious folks. Some of them refer to their higher power as G. O. D. or Group Of Drunks.

But that wasn't enough for me. I had established intimate relationships with my friends in recovery, and I craved the same type of relationship with God. That relationship had begun with laughter. I realized that humor was one of God's greatest gifts to me.

Proverbs 12:22: "A joyful heart is good medicine..."

I need a God with human humor! For me, that is Jesus Christ. In Matthew 7 and Luke 6 Jesus talks about the absurdity of pointing out a spec in someone else's eye when you have a plank in yours. In Mark 10 he talks about how it would be easier for a  camel to pass through the eye of a  needle than it would be for a rich, prideful person to get into heaven. In Matthew 23:24 Jesus  pokes fun at the pharisees by saying they "strain out a gnat but swallow a camel". Now that's a God who hangs out with folks and uses levity and exaggeration just like the rest of us.

I respect the right of everyone in recovery to find "a God of their understanding", but perhaps you are questioning your higher power. I ask you to consider the Jewish carpenter. He'll sit beside you at meetings, anonymously of course.

A JOURNEY UP THE HILL OF DIFFICULTY

"Grammy, take my picture!" My granddaughter, Saradi, exclaimed after a steep hike up a mountain trail.

She rejoiced at the view, savoring the accomplishment. But the trip up had not been an easy one.

The path was rocky and steep. We had to watch our steps carefully. There were side trials that looked easier, but they were closed, and we had no idea where they led.

In John Bunyan's classic "Pilgrim's Progress" his character, Christian, must climb "The Hill of Difficulty". His two companions opted for easier routes and met with destruction. Christian knew that there was no avoiding this trek if he were to arrive at his destination, The Celestial City

What kind of  hills have you climbed? Are you panting up one now? Do you  feel like the author in Lamentations 3:1-2:

"I  am the man who has seen affliction
By the rod of the Lord's wrath
He has driven me away and made me walk
In darkness rather than light;"

In "Pilgrim's Progress" Christian also enjoys the 'Delectable Mountains' where he gazes upon the beauty of God's creation. He discovers a reward at the top. "…So they went to the mountains, to behold the gardens and orchards, the vineyards and fountains of water…"

After you climbed your hill what was your view like? Was it a new job? A new outlook on life?

I've climbed many hills, and fallen on some. I think the toughest hill a person can climb is parenthood. Leading our little ones through this troubled world can be treacherous. It is so tempting to take one of those seemingly easier paths, allowing them to bury themselves in media, sleeping in and skipping church, following questionable friends.

Proverbs 22: 6 "Start children off on the way they should go, and even when they are old they will not turn from  it."

We used to battle with our son, Jarrod, over chores. Honestly, it would have been easier to do them ourselves, but we persisted anyway, hoping that the character lessons would stick. When Jarrod was 20 he went to stay with another family for several months. One of them shared this story with me."Jarrod watched my teenage sister arguing with my mom about doing the dishes. Mom wasn't feeling well, and she was really giving her a hard time. Suddenly, Jarrod turned to me with a tear in his eye and said, "Wow, I used to do the same thing to my parents."

Jarrod had climbed a hill of difficulty, and he was experiencing a higher viewpoint.

When my other son, Chris, was on treatment for cancer, that uphill included awful side-effects, and loss of childhood fun. We learned to cherish moments of pleasure when they came. Like colorful butterflies encountered along the mountain trail, we paused to appreciate beautiful sights.

Between treatments, I had the opportunity to take Chris to the 'delectable' mountains.
This is an excerpt from my book, 'Christopher's Journey"http://www.maribethditmars.com/: "We each grabbed a sled and trekked up the hill. We then hopped on and soared down. If we tucked our legs under Indian style we could almost fly…Finally, we sat poised at the crest of the hill ready for our final ride. We watched in awe as the sun set on the Wasatch Mountains, shadows creeping slowly upward from the valleys below. The peaks were bathed in sparkling pastel shades…Then Chris turned to me and said, "I'm so glad you're my mom."

I enjoyed a true mountaintop experience that day. 

Two years later, after Chris went to be with the Lord, I climbed another hill of difficulty. One of those easier-looking paths involved numbing my sorrow with large quantities of alcohol. Before I knew it, I had lost the trail. Eventually, I made my way up that hill. The Lord provided me with 12 steps to the top. And the vista from up here is unbelievably lovely! Like Jarrod, I had arrived at a loftier viewpoint.

As a result of the fellowship of recovery I have more friends than I could have ever imagined— friends who will drop what they are doing and rush to my side if needed. I have had the high honor and privilege of mentoring struggling women as they trudge their hills of difficulty. God took my mess and made it my message. He can do that for you too. I believe one of the greatest callings that we can have in life is to help someone else with their hill of difficulty.

However, not everyone is ready to be helped. A particularly harrowing hill was our daughter's drug addiction. During that time I was already in recovery myself so I had all sorts of trail maps to offer her. She refused my help. She had to find her own way up her personal hill of difficulty. I had to pray and wait.

One beautiful blessing that came during that time was that we had the joy of raising our granddaughter for several years. She is back with her Mom now who has been clean for 2 years. My little hiking buddy and I enjoy a special bond. The Lord gave me some time with her so I could insert a little proverbs 22 into her life.

I am still climbing. My Jarrod also died young, and some days my grief clings to me like low hanging mountain clouds. Sometimes I feel just like the author of lamentations, but then I remember that  God doesn't let us suffer endlessly.

Lamentations 3:31-32: "For no one is cast off by the Lord forever.Though he brings grief, he will show compassion, so great is his unfailing love."

But, when I think of the many hills of difficulty that I have already climbed in this life, I realize that grief, this most challenging of climbs, will eventually lead me to a view much greater than anything on earth.

Deuteronomy 8:7 "For the LORD your God is bringing you into a good land, a land of brooks of water, of fountains and springs, flowing forth in valleys and hills;"

In the meantime I have the opportunity to live the remainder of this life as a woman of dignity and grace, sharing the hills with my husband, daughter and grandchildren.

Isaiah 40:9: "Get yourself up on a high mountain, O Zion, bearer of good news, Lift up your voice mightily, O Jerusalem, bearer of good news; Lift it up, do not fear Say to the cities of Judah, "Here is your God!"

Explaining Cancer and Side-Effects to Children

Almost everyone knows someone affected by cancer, but how do you explain cancer to children? How much should you tell them? What if the child is the patient?

If the child is old enough to ask intelligent questions he or she deserves intelligent answers.

Below is an excerpt from my children's book, "The Bald-Headed Princess"http://www.maribethditmars.com/

…"What the heck is cancer anyway?"
"Well, the doctor says it's when one cell goes haywire, 'abnormal'…and starts making lots of other abnormal cells.  They crowd out the good cells, and they have to be killed off with strong medicine called chemotherapy…"

The child may know someone elderly who died of cancer, and become frightened. Be sure to explain that not all cancers are the same. Nowadays the survival rate for most childhood cancers is very high.

It lessons the child's anxiety when they know what to expect. Cancers with long protocols require minor surgery to insert a mediport, a catheter or tube that goes just under the skin and connects to a vein. When the nurses explained to my son, Chris, who was a leukemia patient, that the mediport would mean no more needle sticks he was happy to oblige. Knowing the purpose behind the surgery made it less frightening.

The side effects of chemotherapy vary greatly, depending  upon the diagnosis and the youngster's tolerance level, but most patients experience some nausea. Hair loss is also very common. It is important to explain this to the child ahead of time so he or she is not caught by surprise. Children are naturally curious and they appreciate understanding why.

Explain that since chemotherapy is designed to kill fast growing cancer cells, and hair and stomach cells grow fast, they are frequently affected. Fortunately there are great anti-nausea drugs to make your child feel better.

It is inevitable that a child will become upset when they find out they will most likely lose their hair for a while. This is a good time to reassure them that it always grows back when treatment is over. Some children enjoy wigs and colorful hats.

The chemo also kills cells that fight infection. Explain to your child that those cells are part of your immune system. A weakened immune system means that they may need to miss school and avoid crowds. Doctors will refer to 'blood counts'. They use blood work to 'count' how many germ fighting cells are in the bloodstream.

From the Bald-Headed Princess: " …The best thing about chemotherapy is that it does a good job killing cancer. The worst thing is that it also does a good job killing the cells inside you that fight off germs…Mom says that the chemo will make my blood counts continue to drop, and then they will slowly come back up again."

Kids are almost always resilient, and they quickly learn to adapt to life on treatment. Reassure them they will still have time to play and have friendships. Their activity level will be affected at times, and there will be periods of isolation when they are  immunosuppressed, but they will also have "up" periods in their chemo cycle when normal activities can be enjoyed. Always make the most of those times!

If the doctor gives the okay let your young patient be a kid! Most likely your child will have frequent lab tests so you will know when it is safe for them to be around others. Being overprotective won't heal them any faster, and it may cause them to despair.

The best people to explain life on treatment are other kids. When my Chris was first diagnosed the hospital staff had a teenager with a similar diagnosis explain to him what to expect. After Chris became an 'expert' he was called upon to help other new patients. He enjoyed doing it and made new friends in the process. If you have a newly diagnosed child ask your doctor to refer you to another family for advice and support.

Your child's oncologist can also refer you to many wonderful organizations for emotional, educational, and even financial support.

If your child is not the patient, but has a friend or family member battling cancer, understanding the treatment process may lesson their feelings of loss when their friend can't come out and play. This is a golden opportunity to teach compassion and altruism. Chris loved it when his friends came over and played video games by his bedside. Perhaps you and your child can schedule a special activity when the patients counts are up. 


What if someone your child loves is dying of cancer? What if your child is given a grim prognosis? No one wants to talk about this, but if you don't, you are missing the opportunity to teach your child the greatest lesson of all—that this life is temporary!

Proverbs 8:35: "I give them eternal life, and they shall never perish; no one will snatch them out of my hand…"

I once read an article in The New England Journal of Medicine that 75% of parents with terminally ill children do not discuss heaven or eternity with their children. I was both astounded and deeply saddened.

My beloved Chris did not survive his cancer, but he passed peacefully, unafraid, fully aware of where he was headed. The greatest gift that you can give a terminally ill patient is to share your faith.

A cancer diagnosis is devastating and it is normal to question God. If you are unsure reach out to your believing friends, a local church or hospital chaplain. Don't trudge this journey alone! 

1 Peter 5:10: "And the God of all grace, who called you to his eternal glory in Christ, after you have suffered a little while, will himself restore you and make you strong, firm and steadfast."

When Friends Share the Journey

I love this definition: A good friend will bail you out of jail, but a great friend will be in the cell with you saying, "Wasn't that fun?"

True friends trudge the journey with you. One of these is my friend, Barb. We met in college where we became roommates. She was an anchor in my life, providing some sanity when I tended to party too much, and typing my term papers for me when my hunting and pecking kept me up all night.(Those were the days before computers.) One thing we did really well together was laugh. We adored bad puns.

Years later, when my ten-year old son, Chris, was diagnosed with leukemia Barb would walk one of my most difficult journeys with me. She did this by supplying me with emotional support as well an endless stream of jokes.

During Chris's lengthy hospital stays we often amused ourselves by picking on one particular nurse who shared our warped sense of humor. Nurse Nancy happened to be blonde so Chris made it his mission to introduce her to every blonde joke known to man. Chris would supply such pearls as, "Nancy, do you know how a blonde kills a fish? She drowns it!" Or, "Do you know why the blonde stared at the orange juice container for an hour? It said "concentrate". 

Barb, who is a natural blonde herself, researched blonde jokes for us and kept us supplied for each new hospital admission. Whenever Nurse Nancy was scheduled to administer a drug that required 15 minutes of close observation Barb always shared our joy. She would email us a long list so Chris could pepper Nancy with them for her entire bedside vigil.  Nancy would retaliate good-naturedly, and the result was the sound of laughter on a cancer ward.

Proverbs 17:22 "A joyful heart is good medicine..."

During Chris's four years of treatment Barb also became my email therapist. I poured my heart out to her as I sat for hours in Chris's hospital room. She was my electronic ear, when it was too challenging or stressful to share intimate details with family members. 

When Chris went to be with the Lord Barb was there. After the funeral, long after the parade of casseroles had ceased, when most of my other friends had returned to their busy lives, Barb was still there. Eventually, when I wrote my book "Christopher's Journey" http://www.maribethditmars.com/ Barb served as my editor, providing valuable feedback and dispelling my many random acts of comma.

Last year I lost my second son, Jarrod. Like Chris's loss, very few friends shared my walk through the fire. Admittedly, there are no words to say to a woman who has outlived her two young sons, but that's a far as most folks ever get.They don't realize that words aren't necessary, just a loving ear. Best friends are the best listeners.

Proverbs 17:17  "A friend loves at all times, and a brother is born for a time of adversity."

If you have a friend who is suffering, don't avoid them because you have nothing to say 

—just be there. Don't be afraid to share a laugh or to just sit and listen. It is okay to say, "I don't know what to say."

Do you have a special gift or talent that you could share? After Jarrod's death my friend, Cathy, sent a crew of volunteers to mow and trim our yard. My wonderful friend, Lisa, lent me her technical expertise with my website and social media. " Don't pay me," Lisa said, "My tennis is rusty. I need you to play with me! And I enjoy your company." 

Romans 15:32 "So that by God's will I may come to you with joy and be refreshed in your company."

Having a friends like Barb, Lisa, and Cathy has made me strive to become a better friend. 

Now my dear Barb suffers from early onset Alzheimer's. We can no longer reminisce or share corny jokes. It is an honor to dedicate this blog to her, and to let her family know that her friendship has enriched my life.

Someday when Barb is restored in the presence of the Lord he will surely smile upon one of the greatest benefits of creation—true friendship.

John 16:22 "So also you have sorrow now, but I will see you again, and your hearts will rejoice, and no one will take your joy from you."

GETTING LOST ON THE JOURNEY

Last week I was hiking in the beautiful Smokey Mountains with my faithful lab mix, Marley, trotting beside me.  We ascended into the clouds, and Marley scampered off into the trees, getting in touch with her inner wolf.

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 I was having a grand time until I became hopelessly lost. After retracing my steps several times, adding unwanted miles, I finally had to admit defeat and call the ranger station. After the rangers arrived they spotted a tree that was supposed to have several trail markers. The one that I needed was missing.

My experience with alcohol also led me down an unmarked trail. At first the walkway was sunny and filled with laughter. We enjoyed days at the beach with a cooler full of beer, and fun times at football games.  There were humorous antics like the time I distracted the bartender while my friend climbed up on the bar and turned the clock back so happy hour could continue. Another time I found myself dancing on top of a park bench with a strange man who wore half of a soccer ball on his head.

 But it gradually became darker as I missed the trail signs. Like my recent hike, I was looking for signs that weren’t there. I knew that I was drinking too much, but I couldn’t possibly be an alcoholic. No one had issued me a trench coat and a crumpled brown bag. For heaven’s sake I used ice cubes!  My excuses had me retracing my steps, trying the same dead-end path over and over.

During the four years of my son, Chris's, cancer treatments I relied upon my best friend, Ethyl—Ethyl Alcohol. By the time Chris went to heaven Ethyl had become my higher power. 

 My family suffered. My grief festered. The arguments and hangovers were adding those unwanted miles to my journey.

I finally had to admit that I was completely lost. I turned to the Lord.

Luke 19:10 “For the Son of Man came to seek and to save the lost.” (ESV)

With the help of some twelve-step rangers I followed trail markers for a new way of life. The steps are designed to connect each person with God, but it is a gradual process. I had to be willing to hike the mileage. During the process I was gently loved back to health.

Matthew 11:29 ESV

“Take my yoke upon you, and learn from me, for I am gentle and lowly in heart, and you will find rest for your souls.”

The secret to my success (I have over 12 years sober now) was admitting defeat and becoming willing to follow directions. (Just as I allowed the rangers to lead me down the mountain.) Not everyone in my position needs a twelve step program to be successful, and I am not saying that is the only way, but one beautiful aspect of it is that it emulates Christ’s fellowship with his disciples. Great teaching occurs in small, intimate groups.

Luke 19:10 “For the Son of Man came to seek and to save the lost.” (ESV)

Perhaps you are struggling with something that has you lost: childhood trauma, an unhappy marriage, work that takes you from your family—the list goes on. Are you following the wrong trial markers? Do you have the wrong higher power like I did? The bible calls them false idols. Maybe your false idol was fun for a while too.

Romans 7:19 (NIV) “For I do not do the good I want to do, but the evil I do not want to do--this I keep on doing.”

But wait, there’s no “I Hate My Life Anonymous” group you say! Nonetheless, there are people willing to help. They might be at your church, at a counseling center, or sitting in the next cubical at work. Have you ever thought that you might be blessing them by allowing them to help you? One of my greatest joys was sharing my story with another alcoholic who had buried a child. Robert Ingersol said, “We rise by lifting others.” Your rangers are there, waiting for you to reach out.

Matthew 25:35 “For I was hungry and you gave me food, I was thirsty and you gave me drink, I was a stranger and you welcomed me…”
 

There is also a savior ready to help. He doesn’t care where you’ve been, only where you are headed. He hung out with big time sinners. I’m certain that he understood the mind of an alcoholic because he was known to turn water into wine!

He understands your lostness too. But Jesus is a gentleman; he doesn’t go where he isn’t invited. The rangers didn’t come until I asked.

Titus 3:3 “At one time we were foolish, disobedient, deceived and enslaved by all kinds of passions and pleasures…”

Surrender, find a community to hike with, and you can be transformed.

Romans 12:2 “Do not conform to the patterns of this world, but be transformed by the renewing of your mind.”

A MARATHON JOURNEY

If anyone were designed not to run a marathon that would be me. With exercise asthma, bunions, and a dirth of natural running ability I was an unlikely candidate. What I lacked in talent, though, I made up for in persistence.

Hebrews 12:1-2: “…let us run with endurance the race that is set before us…”

My marathon journey began in 1998. My 11 year old, Chris, was on treatment for leukemia and I had learned about charity running. I had already run many 5k’s, 10k’s and the occasional 15k, all with dazzling mediocrity. Despite this I was hooked on running. The endorphins, my increased energy, and the excellent fit of my size 8 jeans had all motivated me up until this point. But opportunity to use my running to make a difference in honor of my son raised my desire to a whole new level.

Galatians 6:9

“Let us not lose heart in doing good, for in due time we will reap if we do not grow weary.”

“You’re going to do what, where?” My husband, Rob, had gaped at me when I told him.

“I’m going to run a marathon in Ireland.” I had declared.

“You barely have time to clean the house.” Rob, thinking of my job and our 3 kids, was skeptical.

“Honey,” I had reasoned with him. “Do you think if I don’t run this marathon the house is going to be any cleaner?” So like any good husband, when faced with flawless female logic, Rob joined me and we trained together.

I went on to do 5 more distance events and we raised approximately $40,000 for cancer research. The fundraising gave us the opportunity to share our journey with others and to connect with other families struggling with cancer. We had also become part of the solution by contributing valuable research money.

One of the most important lessons I learned from marathoning was perseverance. The thought of propelling my middle-aged body forward for 26.2 miles was daunting, but when broken down into smaller training runs, each beginning with a single step, it was doable.

 Romans 5:3-4 “Not only so, but we also glory in our sufferings, because we know that suffering produces perseverance; 4perseverance, character; and character, hope.”

I have learned to apply this lesson to other life ‘marathons’ such as an unpleasant work situation, a long wait hoping to get a piece of writing published, or a season of teenage angst with one of my children. These were all character building experiences.

Another valuable marathon lesson I learned was the relationship between pain and growth. As one trains the muscle fibers experience tiny tears. A day or two after a long training run often found me limping a bit. This was temporary, however, because my torn muscle fibers eventually repaired themselves and became stronger than ever. Each week, I would add one more mile onto my long run and my endurance steadily grew. In a few months I was logging 18 and 20 mile runs, something I would have never imagined in the beginning.

In my teaching career I learned to deal effectively with difficult students by logging those painful miles. By establishing a respectful relationship early, and praising their talents I went the distance with my troubled students. Just as I sometimes drove a long training course ahead of time, stashing water bottles in the bushes or noting bathroom locations, I prepared my problematic kids ahead of time what to expect on a field trip or a long test. Often, painful trial and error produced amazing results.

 I remember one student in particular. The previous year’s teacher warned me about “Alex". Yet, when allowed to work standing up at his desk, softly talking to himself "Alex" managed to achieve straight A's!I discovered that his temper was often quickly diffused through humor or an appeal to his intelligence. “Alex, you can’t get in trouble, you’re my multiplication champ and I need you to judge the flash card game this afternoon!” He eventually became a class leader and a brilliant math student, finding ways to solve problems that neither I nor my teacher’s manual had thought of.  “Alex” still had his days when I sought administrative assistance, but his progress from September to June was nothing short of a marathon!

Isn’t that how God guides us along our sometimes painful course as well? He stays with us even when we require his administrative assistance.

The final lesson I learned form marathoning was hope. As long as I kept putting one foot in front of the other I knew that the finish line was eventually waiting for me.

 Titus 3:7 “so that being justified by his grace we might become heirs according to the hope of eternal life.”

When my fourteen year old Chris was on his deathbed he said, “Mom, don’t worry. I’m going to be fine. Jesus is going to call me and I’m gonna go.” Chris had attained a peace that surpassed all understanding. God had given him the hope of eternity.  Chris was ready to raise his arms and cross that finish line.

2 Timothy 4:7“I have fought the good fight, I have finished the race, I have kept the faith”

With God’s grace I will try to keep running the good race, for my earthly marathon isn’t over yet.